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THE LIGHTHOUSEhimself.) 'They are very exhausting,' he said, look-ing, with a sickly look that nauseated her (he wasacting, she felt, this great man was dramatising him-self), at his beautiful hands. It was horrible, it wasindecent. Would they never come, she asked, for shecould not sustain this enormous weight of sorrow,support these heavy draperies of grief (he had assumeda pose of extreme decrepitude; he even tottered alittle as he stood there) a moment longer.

Still she could say nothing; the whole horizon seemedswept bare of objects to talk about; could only feel,amazedly, as Mr. Ramsay stood there, how his gazeseemed to fall dolefully over the sunny grass and dis-colour it, and cast over the rubicund, drowsy, entirelycontented figure of Mr. Carmichael, reading a Frenchnovel on a deck-chair, a veil of crape, as if such anexistence, flaunting its prosperity in a world of woe,were enough to provoke the most dismal thoughts ofall. Look at him, he seemed to be saying, look atme; and indeed, all the time he was feeling, Thinkof me, think of me. Ah, could that bulk only be waft-ed alongside of them, Lily wished; had she onlypitched her easel a yard or two closer to him; a man,any man, would staunch this effusion, would stopthese lamentations. A woman, she had provoked thishorror; a woman, she should have known how todeal with it. It was immensely to her discredit, sex-ually, to stand there dumb. One said — what did onesay? — Oh, Mr. Ramsay! Dear Mr. Ramsay! Thatwas what that kind old lady who sketched, Mrs.Beckwith, would have said instantly, and rightly. Butno. They stood there, isolated from the rest of the

world. His immense self-pity, his demand for sympathy17712 - L.