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33 232255For it rained of course if he said so; but what was w worse,what was lasting,was this lasting turn he gave to thewhole nature of things, ?settingso that for ever after they showed the?wrong side, the grey side.The Lighthouse had turned grey & stark.And this being the noblewas ?foundedon colour; &nature of truth, it was not to be gainsaid.The world before the rainwas founded on queer things which one could never seize again.It was Yet those things p kept ringing, suddenly chiming. Confusionseemed inevitable: clash, conflict. Always in They would be sittingAnd if it was theWhat he pointed out toAnd if [?]But stillthat by no means exhausted what was in his mind about thiswheel going over a persons foot.When he said "a person" it wasalways a sign to himself that he was drawing near that curextraordinary that awful ?bore, that thing he never wanted to think aboutreally, since it was devastating & unnerving & [?] terrible, terribleto think of her - his mother, he meant; but sheered off as quick as he could,calling her refusing to visualise her as clearly as, unfortunately, he was able.For she could be seen again, unfortunately, by going into certainlittle things wh hecd notalwaysresistdoing.opening thewardrobe whereher clothesused to hang.rooms, taking hold of certain little box la painted boxes which ?orused to stand on her table. She could be seen by half listeningsometimeswhen Rose talked, in her way,coming down on this word, on thatword; & ending a laugh, with three 'ahs' which always seemed toexpress the essence of joy, like a birds last drops of someof ?peopleex perfect ?happiness wrung out one by one like that - ah, ah, ah.Now somehow that wheel had (& he looked so ferociously at hisfather reading, hunched up, in the middle of the boat: Cam, firstthough she h looked up from her line & noticed it)hadBut it ismuch easierfor you thanfor me, shethought.gone over that persons her foot, too;She was sitting by thewindow. She became quite stiff all over.SheThere he wasstanding over her, roaring, bellowing: no oneHe wasquite certain that she felt the same horror that they did, thathe & Cam did.There was that horrible It was some horrorthat afflicted them all in the same way: ugliness: noise; violence: buttruth.And then, when he would have plunged a dagger in hisfather's heart, she seemed, after sitting puzzled, for a few minutes, tohave made up her mind.She would snubbed him fearfully once.