196123desperation, it would be easier to give way way; to really simpler toat leastantake on the to attempt that some imitation of that glow, that majestywhich she had seen in the faces of so many women when,surrendering whatever vestiges of selfishness, of independencethat they possessed, they they had blazed upwith every appearance of genuine exaltation, & a blaze whichwas certainly one of the most beautiful things on earth (shecould remember the look on Mrs. Ramsay's face) into completesympathy & surrender; & forgetfulness of all else in the world; &joyousness in the fulfilment of instinct; & delight inreward; & some gratification which escaped her, but shebelieved to be intense & unspeakable; & said to Mr.Ramsay (if it were Mr. Ramsay) giving Mr. Ramsay whatMr. Ramsay wanted: sympathy. 2

But not from her. He stopped. Among hermany admirable qualities - his wife was had been very fond of her.Lily did not possess the to his eye. the crowning gift ofcharm beauty. To She had shrivelled slightly. She wasscarcely likely to marry now, & presumably the affairbetw Mr. Ramsay thought. She had not Minta's charm.one of the& it was only polite to ask her whether she had everything -Yet Everything thanks said Lily nervously. No, Sshe could not do it.Old maidishness was her dower. She knew what he was about to say.Then he looked out to sea. Their eyes rested on the lighthousetogether. Was it going to be calm enough to land? she asked.Never did anybody sigh as he sighed.Without concealment, orshyness, with the force of some primeval gust,all he had suffered - his wif the death of wife, of son, ofdaughter - filled seemed suddenly to fill him & to issue ina sigh of such despondency that any woman in the wholeworld would have known exactly what to do: any woman,except myself, thought Lily. I am an outcast, an oldmaid; something that has no right to exist, she thoughtBut Peop But there she was, painting those little landscapesohof hers,
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