179under the shade which men like Mr. Bankes extended over them; shecould not look at Mrs. Ramsay quite in that light, though she didthink her und undoubtedly the most much the loveliest ofpeople; & the best, perhaps; but also she was odd, she wasso queer, she was no more like th what people thought herthan she was than - no comparison came to Lilys mind,& she wiped her another brush; & began to scrape thepalette of all those mounds of blue & brown which sheknew she would never make do what she wanted,& yet she would never give up trying to make them dowhat she wanted; She was the very opposite ofwhatever sheall that - heroic, submissive, devoted, sublime - She was like abird for speed; ?or like an arrow for decision - She was wilful &stoodcommanding.She brooked no contradiction. She(of course, Lily reminded herself, I am speaking thinking of herrelations with women - with a woman who is muchyounger than she is) - she was thinking, for example, ofMrs. Ramsay opening all the bedroom windows; ofMrs. Ramsay making up matches; of Mrs. Ramsayof her determination to marry one off; ofmake one a woman marry a men, women marry;her fixed single & simple belief that no careerShe dictated all the doings of the day. Arriving lateat night, with a light tap on the door of one's bedroom,wrapped in an old fur coat, how eloque vehementlydele& how she would recount the run over the tale ofthings - sayings, doings, observations & oddities of the day -adroitly& infallibly shape them; & how she would insist, ortheeven not think it worth thattrouble, that Lily wouldmust of course marry; 'must', since in the wholeworld, whatever laurels might be tossed her, ortriumphs won by her, there could be no disputing this:that an unmarried woman was obviously miserable.had missed the greatest of best of life.ed
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